honest jealousy

Some days I feel as if I'm jealous of the world. I'm jealous of women on commercials who are pregnant or new mothers. I'm jealous of the girls at work who speak sweetly to their new babies, who feed their babies, who cuddle their babies, who talk of their babies futures. I'm jealous of moms raising their children. I'm jealous of women who can breastfeed to lose weight. I'm jealous of women who feel their babies kicks and post new ultrasound pictures. I'm jealous of women who were due around when I was and that as time goes by, they get to enjoy the last couple of months of pregnancy. I even find myself being jealous of my own husband... because he still has a parent-child bond, he still has someone to call him daddy. I have no one.

And then, I feel awful. I feel awful because if anything bad was to happen to any of these people, and if any of these situations were to change... I would feel like the worst person in the world. I would NEVER ever ever want to take these beautiful moments away! BUT the honest truth is, my heart can't help but to feel jealous that I don't get this. And I know, that's ok! It's a normal feeling and I have every right to feel that way! I can feel angry, sad, jealous... that does NOT make me a bad person. I would never wish harm on anyone. I just simply miss my pregnancy and my baby... so that's ok. This honest jealousy is ok!